Friday, August 02, 2002

EDICT THIRTY-TWO:
"Wil Wheaton"

When I am the GALACTUS to your collective STILT-MAN, y'all are gonna have to lay off WIL WHEATON. He's FUNNY, and does a real good WEBLOG at www.wilwheaton.net. Yeah, yeah, I didn't like WESLEY CRUSHER EITHER, but that was a GODDAMN FICTIONAL CHARACTER. And he was in STAND BY ME. Which ROCKED. It did not ROCK THE HIP-HOP, but it rocked nonetheless. Once I DOMINATE THE GLOBE like BEN FOLDS ROCKS THE SUBURBS, Wil Wheaton will be given a GOOD JOB being FUNNY for CASH. Because he seems like a REAL DECENT GUY.

I SHALL RULE THIS PLANET.

Thursday, August 01, 2002

EDICT THIRTY-ONE:
"Edict Thirty"

Please IGNORE EDICT THIRTY, as it was in fact written by DREHPEHS WEHTTAM, my evil counterpart from DIMENSION SEVEN.

Thank you.

I SHALL RULE THIS PLANET.

Wednesday, July 31, 2002

EDICT THIRTY:
"Secret IDs"

There are NOT ENOUGH SCAPEGOATS. Know what I mean? EVERYBODY'S FRIGGIN' INNOCENT for SOME reason. ENOUGH! When I AM THE BIG HAMMER and YOU ARE THE NAILS, all crimes and misdeeds can be blamed on YOUR REVERSE-NAME from DIMENSION SEVEN. As in:

"Did YOU rob the bank, BILL SMITH?"
"NO! It was HTIMS LLIB, my EVIL COUNTERPART from DIMENSION SEVEN!"

Imagine the LIBERTY and WONDER of knowing that your DIMENSION SEVEN COUNTERPART is actually responsible for all those bad things people THINK you've done over the years! Truly, my reign shall be one of GUILT-FREE GLORY and UNFETTERED EXPRESSIVENESS!

Plus, I can keep all you MORONS occupied by declaring WAR ON THE FIENDS FROM DIMENSION SEVEN. You'll be so busy BUILDING and BUYING arms for the WAR EFFORT, not to mention working on building me a TRANS-DIMENSIONAL OVERTHRUSTER, you'll never realize that REAL DIMENSION SEVEN COUNTERPARTS have BRIGHT GREEN EYES! NYAH-HA HA!

I SHALL RULE THIS PLANET.

Tuesday, July 30, 2002

EDICT TWENTY-NINE:
"The Freebie"

BY GOLLY, when I am BIG POTATO in this BRIAR PATCH, there are gonna be some CHANGES MADE, AND HOW. Note, as reference, how some DEDICATED SUBJECTS have been having a HARD TIME reaching the EARLIEST EDICTS of my BENEVOLENT MAJESTY.

When I KICK ARSE AND TAKE NAMES on an INTERNATIONAL LEVEL, FROM YONFORTH there will be NO MORE BITCHING about FREE STUFF that DOESN'T WORK PERFECTLY. I mean, KEENSPACE would be producing 10,000% MORE CARTOONS and drawing enough REVENUE to power SERVERS THE SIZE OF OAKLAHOMA if the cartoonists spent as much time CARTOONING as they do BITCHING ABOUT KEENSPACE. By law, it'll be PAY OR SHUT UP for all the LEECHES such as YOURS TRULY using this FREE BLOGGER SERVICE. If I SUBSCRIBE, I can COMPLAIN. Until I DO, I'm just another PART OF THE PROBLEM.

Bet you thought I was going to COMPLAIN about BLOGSPOT, didn't you? SUCKER. My reign will be UNPREDICTABLE like a NETWORK NEWS ANCHOR with NOTHING TO LOSE.

I SHALL RULE THIS PLANET.